LEARN TO SAY NO TO SEX
Reasons to say no to sex:
there is coercion
it’s the wrong partner
it hurts
What is coercion?
Sometimes someone is in a situation where they feel like they have to have sex. Some of these situations might be:
peer pressure
there is fear of the person or might what happen if you say no
it is a special occasion or prom night or birthday and it feels expected
threats
popularity - what are others going to think
certain age expectation - 16 or another age
a party where it’s expected
a party game
gifts or money were given and it feels like its expected as an exchange
a date where one person buys dinner or a movie and it feels like it’s expected
alcohol, cannabis
Those are not good reasons alone to have sex if you don’t want to. Learn how to say no to sex in those situations. (see bottom of page)
It’s the wrong partner:
teachers, coaches, priests, principles, authorities, professors
family members: uncles, older cousins, or their friends, or their partners
a forceful partner, even if you love them!
a possessive partner, even if you love them!
How to know if your partner is possessive:
do they put you down?
do they let you hang out with other people?
do they criticize you for hanging out with your family?
do they ever block your exit when you’re trying to leave?
do they ever grab you - push you - pull you - throw objects when they don’t get their way?
do they take your possessions and keep them from you?
do they get jealous when you’re with friends or family and make you feel guilty for doing that?
It’s important to be friends with people first, before thinking about having sex with them, so you can see if they do any of those things.
If it hurts:
If it hurts, then stop. You can say no, you can say you changed your mind.
Don’t worry about the partner’s feelings. If they are mean about it in any way, or try to make you feel guilty for stopping, then they are the wrong partner.
Historically women were supposed to have sex even when it hurt because they were men’s property and legally it was their duty, but THIS IS NOT THE CASE ANY MORE.
There is no shame in stopping.
The other person is wrong for coercing you.
Use your voice and speak up. Say no, say you have to go, say you changed your mind.
In any of the above situations that you do not want to be in, and your words are not being listened to, use your strength and fight if you have to!
use self defense - learn moves to help you get away from a bigger, stronger person
call for someone in earshot
make a phone call if you need help and don’t want to be alone with this person
identify which family member or friend who would help you, and believe you.
get out of immediate harm, if you need to.
use mace etc…